“Tabithas’ Story
"Tabitha" (a pseudonym used to protect her identity, and other details have been altered for confidentiality) is a 45-year-old nurse and mother of two who has struggled for years with the perpetual cycle of dieting, which began when she was just 12. Like many of my clients, her mother believed it would be helpful for them to join "Weight Watchers" together, fearing that "Tabitha" would follow the same weight gain path that her mother had long struggled to manage.
From the beginning, "Tabitha" secretly resented the weekly weigh-ins and felt increasing pressure as food became a central theme in her relationship with her mother. She often felt conflicted when she took her "healthy" lunch (lovingly prepared by her mum) to school, only to be tempted by the chips and chocolate bars her peers were eating. Secretly, she would take money to the canteen to buy sweets, hiding the purchases from her mother, and would happily accept junk food when offered by her friends.
"Tabitha" battled with immense guilt, believing she lacked the self-discipline her mother seemed to have. The anxiety around the weekly weigh-ins escalated, and she would even try to increase her exercise in a desperate attempt to undo the effects of her indulgences. Not surprisingly, "Tabitha" spent years cycling between weight loss and gain. She would receive compliments on her appearance when she lost weight, only to feel the sting of those compliments disappearing when the weight returned. This constant cycle felt maddening.
On a typical morning after a grueling shift, "Tabitha" would crawl through the front door exhausted. By 10:30 a.m., she had often devoured the "thank you" chocolates her patients had given her. Sugar became her energy source, allowing her to power through the rest of the shift. When the shift was finally over, she would rush to pick up her kids from school, only to start the second shift at home: making dinner, preparing school lunches, and attending to the needs of her family. She longed for peace, for time alone, free of demands. The only solace she found was in food. After the kids went to bed, she would indulge in a food-fueled escape, numbing herself with ice cream, chocolate, and chips.
"Tabitha" knew her eating habits weren’t nutritionally sound. She would often mindlessly graze in and out of the pantry when the kids weren’t around, trying to find something to "tide her over" until the evening, when she could finally indulge in her cravings without guilt. The cycle continued: food binges, guilt, and the promise to herself that tomorrow would be different. But it rarely was. Her sleep was often disrupted, with a bloated stomach and occasional reflux. She knew that if this continued, she would be at risk for preventable chronic diseases, a thought that filled her with guilt, especially as a nurse.
Tabitha had tried addressing her emotional eating in an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) session, but felt dismissed by the therapist, who downplayed the issue, saying, "Well, it’s just food. It’s not like it’s alcohol or meth." "Tabitha" thought to herself, "That’s exactly the problem—food is everywhere! It’s as close as my fridge, my kids’ birthday parties, even when I’m getting petrol. I can’t escape it."
Working with "Tabitha", I helped her uncover the real reasons behind her emotional eating. It wasn’t just about the weight loss block of "the feelings are in the food." There was also a deep-rooted power struggle with food that began when her mother first suggested they diet together. The anger and resentment "Tabitha" had towards her mother for imposing a diet on her during puberty needed an outlet. The way she had learned to manage authority figures and discipline in her youth—through faked compliance—was now playing out in her relationship with food.
"Tabitha" also connected the dots to another weight loss block: "Look what happened last time." At age 25, after finally reaching her ideal weight and maintaining it for a year, she met "Terry," the man she thought was the love of her life. But "Terry" had been having an affair with someone from his workplace. The devastation of that betrayal linked, in "Tabitha’s" mind, her success at weight loss with heartbreak and rejection. Her subconscious had paired the idea of being in great shape with being deeply hurt, and as a result, "Tabitha’s" mind worked to protect her from that pain by maintaining her weight.
One of the most significant breakthroughs for "Tabitha" came when she brought some of her most craved foods into session as part of her treatment. During the car ride to therapy, she struggled to resist eating them, but once she arrived, she was surprised to find herself driving home with the snacks unopened in the front seat. She didn’t feel the need to eat them. She even gave the snacks to her children without any sense of deprivation or mood swings.
Using a combination of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), "Tabitha" now had tools to use at home when she found herself emotionally triggered. We worked through some of her earliest unsettling memories, including school bullying, the guilt from a past termination, and the deep wound of betrayal by "Terry."
Two years later, "Tabitha" reached her goal weight and no longer fears menopause and its effects on her metabolism. She can now enjoy two Roses chocolates during her work break without the temptation to gorge herself. Her evenings are no longer consumed by food binges, and she now enjoys restful sleep. "Tabitha" no longer feels guilty about her eating habits. Her cholesterol is back within normal range, and she enjoys exercise because it’s no longer a way to "redeem" herself for past indulgences. She now has a healthier relationship with food and herself.
